


Red Eyes

by thedaveanon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Baby Dave, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1867272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedaveanon/pseuds/thedaveanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk didn't sign up for this. But when the kid is suddenly dropped on him out of no where, he finds he has responsibility to pick up.<br/>And that responsibility has red eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Eyes

“C’mon, give me something to work with,” Dirk “Bro” Strider muttered to himself, scrolling through the search results as the newest member of the family slept cradled in his arm. “There’s gotta be _something_ here…”

He’d already done a search for any missing babies in the surrounding area, seeing if anyone had lost a little blonde haired and red-eyed baby who could apparently withstand a meteor impact. He’d had the sinking suspicion that nothing would come up; when he’d looked at that kid, it didn’t cry, and it looked at him like he _knew_ , and like he knew Bro knew too; he belonged to him. Especially once he put a pair of shades on him; they looked like they were just _made_ for that face.

Now Bro found himself stuck with the kid, a kid he was in no position to take care of. He didn’t know the first thing about kids, much less raising one.

Unsurprisingly, most results under the searches “baby alien” and “baby on meteor” were unrelated to a major extreme. But one result caught his eye; a forum on a parenting site with a rather peculiar topic: “so i found thid babbt near a metor crash *this **baby ***meteor”

Bro glanced down at the peaceful little douchebag sleeping (or at least, Bro thought he was sleeping) in his arms (he still hadn’t come up with a good name for him). He clicked the link, expecting it to be irrelevant to his situation.

            tipsyGnostalgic: so i found thid babbt near a metor crash

            tipsyGnostalgic: *this **baby ***meteor

            tipsyGnostalgic: an di wanna know

            tipsyGnostalgic: r bbies falling from hte sky norrmall

            tipsyGnostalgic: *the **normal

            pipefan413: I DO NOT BELIEVE SO. @tipsyGnostic, PLEASE STATE THE REASON YOU NEED THIS INFORMATION.

            tipsyGnostalgic: funy storie acually

Bro scrolled to find the comment box, wanting to join in; he had the feeling that these people would have exactly the kind of answers he was looking for.

            timaeusTestified: @tipsyGnostalgic, is it possible there was a meteor crash near your general living area?

            tipsyGnostalgic: yes!

            timaeusTestified: Also, is it possible that when you went to investigate you found a baby?

            tipsyGnostalgic: :o yes!

            tipsyGnostalgic: here was teh cuttest bby gurl eva

            tipsyGnostalgic: *there **the ***cutest

            pipefan413: THIS IS INTERESTING, IF SOMEWHAT CONCERNING. @timaeusTestified, HAVE YOU ALSO COME ACROSS THIS FASCINATING OCCURANCE?

Bro hesitated.

            timaeusTestified: Yes. Just a few minutes ago actually. @pipefan413, you sound as if you have also come across a little alien child who rode down to Earth like a badass             motherfucker on a meteor. Care to share your story?

            pipefan413: YOU COULD PUT IT LIKE THAT, YES. THE CHILD I CAME ACROSS HAPPENED TO RIDE DOWN ON A METEOR THAT UNESTABLISHED AN ENTIRE BETTY CROCKER® FACTORY. THIS ALSO RESULTED IN THE UNFORTUNATE PASSING OF MY DEAR MOTHER.

            tipsyGnostalgic: :o oh my gog im so sorry!!!

            tipsyGnostalgic: *god

            pipefan413: YES, IT IS REGRETTABLE. HOWEVER, THE BABY IS A HEALTHY BOY WHOM I’VE NAMED JOHN. HE SEEMS TO HAVE TAKEN A LIKING TO CLOWNS.

            tipsyGnostalgic: Rose(da s my bby) is haelthy and jus LOVES WIZZARDS AND MAJIKS

            tipsyGnostalgic: *too many errirs

            tipsyGnostalgic: **errors fuk it

Bro was shaken as the little man began crying. “Shit,” he murmured. “Shhhh…” The cries continued, but softened a little. “You’re hungry, aren’t ya boss.” He turned back to the computer.

            timaeusTestified: What do babies eat?

            tipsyGnostalgic: i- waat :?

            timaeusTestified: Do babies eat Doritos?

            tipsyGnostalgic: i don thinnk so…

            tipsyGnostalgic: *think

            timaeusTestified: Why not; Doritos are boss.

            tipsyGnostalgic: i dont know!!

            pipefan413: PARDON ME FOR INTERRUPTING, BUT @timaeusTestified I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT JOHN WILL DRINK WARM MILK. PERHAPS YOUR “ALIEN CHILD” WILL ALSO BE WILLING TO TRY WARM MILK?

            timaeusTestified: Warm milk. Okay, I’ll give it a shot. Be back in a little while.

Bro stood up, adjusting the little man to a more comfortable carrying position. He started making his way towards the kitchen. He grabbed the milk jug off the counter and gave it a sniff. Having seen the milk pass inspection, he then checked to make sure the microwave was plugged in. He set the timer and bounced the kid to calm him down as they waited. The timer went off and Bro pulled out the little cup of milk and tried to figure out how to give it to him. He held the cup to where the little man could drink, but the kid wouldn’t. “C’mon, drink up,” Bro encouraged, but the kid squirmed, refusing to open his mouth. “Son of a-” Bro had had it; the kid had been nothing but trouble. Grumbling, Bro trudged upstairs to the roof.

Reaching the top, Bro surveyed the expanse of the city around his apartment building. He picked the kid off his shoulder and took a good look at him. “So long, kiddo. Hope you find some other sick fuck that can raise you better.”

And then, using football skills he’d perfected back in high school, he chucked the kid off the roof. Bro watched as the kid disappeared from sight. Then, as he was about to turn around and go back inside, the most unexpected thing to happen to Bro in his life happened: the baby reappeared, clinging to the back of his head. Bro pulled the kid off and looked at him for a long while. The kid looked up at him, and he could just barely make out the kid’s big red eyes behind those shades.

Bro smirked at the little thing that would leave a big impact. “Well, well, maybe you are a Strider after all,” he remarked. “Dave.”


End file.
